Things My Students Say: Part...3?

It's been a long time since I sad down to write things my students say. After you hear broken English for awhile, you start to get used to it, and you forget how funny it can be. See here are some things that my students have said recently.

I'm going to murder whoever chose the reading passages for the Alba + class. This is a high-level English class for students on the cusp of fluency. And, according to the logic behind this class, they are also mature enough to discuss topics like homosexuality. ...No. No, they are not. They are middle schoolers. To a middle schooler, everything and everyone is gay and it's the funniest thing in the world. Here are some common conversations that occurred after reading a passage about discrimination.

Student 1: "Teacher, what does faggot mean?" (Yes, the word faggot was in the book.)
Me: "Uh...It is a very rude word that refers to gay people. Please don't ever say it, or someone will kill you."
Student 1 turns to friend: "Haha, you are faggot."
Student 2: "Why you look at me? You are faggot!"
Student 1: "No, you!"
Student 2: "No, you!"
Student 3: "Shut up! You are making me crazy!"

And another time...

Student: "Teacher, what does infidelity mean?"
Me: "It means leaving your husband or wife for someone else."
Student: "Like windy?"
Me: "Yes, like windy." (The idea is that the wind travels quickly. So a cheater moves like the wind from person to person.)
Student: "Teacher, what will you do if MyungSoo is infidelity?"

In fact, my students have an obsession with MyungSoo...

"Teacher, how you meet MyungSoo? At bar?"
"Teacher, is MyungSoo windy?"
"Teacher, you have ex-boyfriend?? Does MyungSoo know? Maybe if you tell him, he will be angry and leave you."
"Aaah teacher, MyungSoo too handsome. Did he get plastic surgery?"
"Teacher, how does MyungSoo smell?"
"Teacher, you get married with MyungSoo?"

CTP, also know as Critical Thinking Project, also known as Chungdahm Terror Project is a great time to bring out students' creativity and also a good way to release energy. But you also get really strange things.

Student: "We made alien today. This alien is very intelligent. It has high IQ and if you take your problem to it, it will help you solve your problem. This animal species is called Theresa. But there is a problem. Many Theresa have dirty mind. They like to smoke and drink and not take shower except once a month. So, stay away from Theresa that has dirty mind."

Student: "Today, we made a game. This game is called Gangster Theo. In this game, you are like GTA guy and you can kill gangster Theo with any number of weapons. We chose umbrella. Now we will show you how to play the game." They then spent the next minute hitting one boy with an umbrella while the rest of the class cheered. At the end, they all bowed (except for the dead boy.) "Thank you for listening our CTP. Please buy our game. It is very fun."

And now for other things...

"Teacher, you have Macbook Pro 13 inches!!! Please give me!!!"

A student noticed all the cat scratches on my arms. "Teacher, you try to suicide????"

"Teacher, I want to eat your cat."

"Teacher, I didn't do my homework. Sorry."
Me: Why didn't you do it."
"I was lazy. I played a game instead. It was more fun."

I told my students about the awesome game, Bioshock. One student decided to turn this into a pun.
"Wow, that is so...BIOSHOCKING."
"I am surprised. I am BIOSHOCKED."
"I like violent things because they are BIOSHOCK."

And now for the best part...

The CTP that day was to create a disease and its cure, then discuss how the side-effects of the drug or the symptoms of the disease could affect the daily life of a person. It was complicated, but they did a fantastic job. But then this happened...

AND THEN BUGS COME OUT OF YOUR BODY

Kid, what the hell is this?