The whole purpose of our trip to America, though my parents had no idea, was for Park to ask them if we could get married. Despite being an unconventional sort, I feel very strongly about marriage traditions. So when Park first brought up the possibility of marriage months and months ago, I was initially terrified, and then told him he had to ask my parents first before I would say yes. This gave me the extra time to really pray, consider, and discuss with various friends and priests the true implications of marriage. Of course, Park's sincerity and determination eventually won me over, and one night in Virginia, over homemade apple pie, he asked my parents if he could marry me. My dad was smiling and nodding before Park had even finished. My mom was pleased, but also shocked. This is so soon, she cried! But, in the end, she said yes too. Just as Park won me over with sincerity and determination, so too did he win over my parents (though I'm sure they were also charmed by his cooking and cleaning skills and his expertise in the handling of firearms). My brothers had already suspected the purpose of our visit, so they just assumed Park would eventually join our family. As they also approved of him (he is very skilled in the handling of children), we came back to Korea full of confidence in our future prospects.
However, being a traditional sort, as I said, I wanted an official proposal. Perhaps I am vain. Too bad. I wanted to be able to tell everyone about the exact moment when Park asked me to marry him. I not only got an official proposal, but also a beautiful ring. Park designed it himself, and a jeweler friend of his mother's made it. They gave Park a nice discount and inserted a larger diamond than the one he had paid for. Even though Park just got a job, we're both very limited financially, so it was a wonderful surprise.
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| Behold it's golden glimmering! |
Now you all probably have questions. Here are some answers.
Where will the wedding be?
We were originally hoping to have a Melkite wedding at my home church, Holy Transfiguration Melkite Greek Catholic Church, but the logistics of planning a wedding while not physically there, of flying to the US to get married, then immediately flying back, and of paying for all of this while still paying off student loans was too daunting to think about. Yes, we could probably save up all the money and make it work, but we would probably have to save for several years. The first bit of advice my priest gave me was to not be engaged for more than a year. I'll take that advice. So, the wedding will be in Seoul, Korea! No idea yet which church we'll use, though.
Also, if you just despaired because that is so far away, fear not! We'll have a vow renewal ceremony in the US the next time we're over there so that everyone can come.
Edit: Just kidding, folks! It's going to be at Holy Transfiguration in McLean, VA! Your dreams of crashing our wedding can finally come true!
When will the wedding be?
Not really sure yet. Hopefully, this year. We're waiting on a few factors before we decide. Those factors include the results of the upcoming Seodaemun district council election in June, in which Park's father is running for a seat (I've been helping with the campaign. Lots of bowing, handing out cards, and smiling while I'm introduced as the future daughter-in-law. I'm sort of like the campaign mascot), and whether or not Park's family decides to follow the old tradition in which the oldest son needs to be married first before the younger ones can marry. I'm a huge fan of tradition, but, in this case, I hope they decide to set this one aside. If all goes well, Park and I will be married before this year is over.
Edit: Hurray, we have a date! January 2nd, 2015.
Where will you live?
Park just got a job with a Korean company. I have a very specific skill set that enables me to easily get a job in Korea. Even if I left my current job, I wouldn't have to spend very long looking for a new one. So, yes, we will be in Korea for at least another year or two. However, we do plan to come to US eventually! For a long time, Park's dream has been to live and work in the US. We want to start our own business and make a life together. Right now, that life will start in Korea, where we can hopefully save up money for future investments.
As for a house, the Korean tradition is for the groom's family to buy a house for the new couple. Park's father had the foresight to buy houses for each of his four sons, and he manages them by renting them out. When we get married, we can move into our very own house. As is to be expected, that house is only about a ten minute walk from Park's parents. Quality time with the in-laws!
What do his parents think of you?
A lot of people mistakenly think that Park's parents would be suspicious of a foreigner bride who has charmed her way into the heart of their beloved son and who doesn't even speak Korean. Park's parents love me! Aside from the stream of text messages asking me to hang out, go shopping, or eat dinner together, they also send me frequent gifts. When I moved into my new apartment, Park's father came over with a year's supply of toilet paper (A truly life-saving gift. Seriously). When I was low on cash, Park's mother sent me a bag of rice from their grandmother's rice farm and a huge supply of sweet potatoes. When I told her I liked her kimchi, she sent me a huge tupperware of the stuff. Even though we can't easily talk to each other, there has never been a time when I felt unwelcome at their house. Park's family is incredibly kind and generous.
Of course, Park's mother was suspicious at first. There are plenty of dumb foreigners who come to this country looking for an easy hook-up. But then Park told his mother that I am Catholic, and she instantly relaxed. Even though his family isn't religious, they love Catholics. Catholics have a great reputation in Korea. The Church does a lot of good works and their love of tradition sets them apart from the often abrasive and over-zealous Protestants. Possibly because of this, Catholics and Buddhists usually have a good relationship, meaning that the older generation, who are mostly Buddhist, also like Catholics. It's a wonderful dynamic. This is probably also why Park's Buddhist grandmother didn't mind his conversion to Catholicism.
Will you wear a hanbok at your wedding?
Yes. I love hanbok. I have been dreaming of getting a hanbok ever since I first saw one. The usual tradition is for the bride and groom to wear Western style wedding attire for the actual wedding ceremony and then to change into hanbok for a second ceremony afterwards, in which they bow to their parents. So I assume Park and I will also do that.
Your children will be beautiful.
That's not a question. But, yes, I know. And, God willing, we will have many of them.
How does this whole citizenship thing work?
Honestly, I haven't looked into it much yet. But apparently, I can get a dual citizenship. Park, unfortunately, cannot. He wants to keep his Korean citizenship, though, so when we do move to the US, he'll just get permanent residency. As for our children, they'll have both. Unfortunately for the boys, that means that if they want to keep their Korean citizenship, they'll have to do their two years of Korean army service. I'm okay with that.
Do you ever have trouble communicating?
Of course, just like every couple ever, we sometimes have trouble communicating. But then language and culture make that even more difficult. Park will be the first to admit that his English isn't perfect, and my Korean is so abysmal that I can barely stutter out a few lines of conversation before running out of things to say. When we first started dating, we did have a lot of culture-related miscommunications. I constantly worried if we would be able to understand each other. But after awhile, I realized that my fears were unfounded. When you base your communication upon mutual trust, that trust can make up for any linguistic failures. That, and spending as much time together learning about how the other person thinks and feels. When my mom met Park for the first time, she was astonished to discover how well we compliment each other. Anyone who's married will tell you that good communication is key to a good relationship. We've worked really hard to make sure we have that.
How does Park feel about America?
Park thinks America is pretty cool. He especially enjoys the variety of each state and region. American food is awesome, he says.
How did you meet?
At a hookah bar in Gangnam, which goes by the name of Rainbow. One could best describe it as a dimly-lit dungeon with marijuana-inspired decor that smells like incense and hookah smoke. On weekends, they have live music and psychedelic DJs as well as bongo drums for the musically-inclined. You take off your shoes and sit at your hookah with your drink and enjoy the feeling of being in Seoul but completely outside of it. At least, that was our plan. No sooner had Sarah and I sat down, when a young Korean man came over and asked if he and his friend could talk to us. He added that they would pay for out hookah and drinks. We said yes. This young man was, of course, Park. Later that night, after going to karaoke, Park walked me home. About twenty minutes later, he texted me to ask me out on a date. I was charmed by his honesty (raise you hand if you hate it when guys ask to "hang out" when you know they really want to go on a date but are too afraid to ask because they're worried you'll say no), so I accepted.
The true humor of our story, though, is the reason why Park was there. Earlier in the evening, Park and his friend SungPyo had been drinking together, when SungPyo said he wanted to go to a hook-up bar, a bar where one meets girls, essentially. SungPyo called up a friend, who recommended Rainbow. But Rainbow is not a hook-up bar. It is a hookah bar. Upon arriving, the two friends realized their mistake, but were still determined to salvage the evening. After losing at rock-paper-scissors, Park was sent over to our table to initiate conversation. The rest is history.
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| Here's to a good future. |
Final note: I never dreamed in a million years that this would be my life. When I started this blog, I thought I would be in Korea for one year, share my experiences, and go home again to do something else. I don't want to turn all preachy on you, but, seriously, you never know where God will take you next. Don't count on anything. Don't plan too much. I'm so glad this is my life.
