At Last, More Things That My Students Draw

Man, it's been a long time since I did one of these, which is really quite a shame because there have been some true masterpieces sitting to rot in teacher's-giant-pile-of-papers purgatory. Does anyone else have a giant pile of papers sitting on their desk that, no matter what you do, never gets any smaller? The moment you decide to tackle it, every student decides to do their homework, and, instead of getting smaller, the pile just gets bigger. Over time, the layers on the bottom begin to decay, providing you with high-quality fertilizer for your pet cactus.

I used to hang up my students' work on the walls of my classroom. It served two purposes. First, it encouraged students to create high-quality work and to be proud of what they created. Second, it covered up the curse words and declarations of love for various k-pop groups that graffiti my otherwise whitewash-boring wallpaper. But, alas, it was not to be. One day, the CEO dropped by for a surprise inspection, and decided that student drawings make the classroom look dirty. So now my classroom looks like a psychiatric ward instead. I suppose they'll replace the wallpaper soon. At least, I hope so.

We're down to the last week of the term. Next week, the new 3.0 curriculum launches for more levels, which I will most definitely be teaching, and I don't expect I'll be able to share as many drawings. Most of the class is going digital. Instead of a haphazardly-prepared poster accompanied by a wacky script in which students use every excuse to punch each other, we'll be making and presenting films in which...well, probably the same thing will happen. Anyway, here are some gems from this past term.

First, here's a story about the end of civilization at the ruthless hands of dinosaurs.

You fool! Didn't you ever see Jurassic Park?

Using their powers of telepathy, the dinosaurs create their plan to hack the traffic system, turning all lights green simultaneously, bringing about the collapse of all order. Terror! Destroy!

One brave man's declaration halts the dinosaur advance.

And...that's it? Hm...How anti-climactic.

This next assignment was for students to play snake-oil salesman, inventing a disease and then charging people obscene amounts of money for a cure.

Stop loving yourself too much, you narcissistic jerk! Try normalify and suddenly have friends again!

Another project was for students to image how society would be structured in the future. This group decided that humans would learn to clone themselves and bring back medieval feudalism. 

Or set themselves up as gods. Same thing.

This next project was supposed to be about inventing an alternate source of energy, but apparently these kids ate too much sugar and decided that they would much rather force their favorite teachers to dance for eternity on top of a giant Theresa-shaped statue.

Dancing can save us all from the impending energy crisis.

This next one was doomed to be weird from the beginning. The class was about the assassination of JFK. The original assignment had them analyzing the evidence and deciding if the conspiracy theories are true or not. But that was probably the least relevant project ever assigned to a group of Korean elementary students who, two hours ago, didn't even know who JFK was. So I changed it. Pretend you are a member of the news media and a famous person has just died. Tell us what happened. Perhaps this seems a bit perverse to you. Perhaps it is. However, kids seem to love fictional, potentially violent deaths. The whole point is that it's fictional, and, whether some adults realize it or not, kids can definitely tell the difference between reality and fiction. Okay, rant over. Let me show you what they did.

This is the CEO of my company. :(

Finally, here is the greatest thing ever produced in my class. Maybe I've said that before about other things my students have drawn, but I retract those statements.

Because those other projects did not have Hitler showing up and killing you so he could take your seat.

The logic here is baffling. Do older people have magical powers that render all Nazi assaults futile? Is it the canes? Is it the fact that angry Korean grandmothers are terrifying? So terrifying that they even frighten evil mass-murderers? We may never know.

That Time I Was A Reporter

Wow, it’s been awhile. Goodness, Theresa, where have you been?

Well, let me tell you. Nowhere that fun. Usually, when I haven’t written something in awhile, you can assume that it’s because I’ve been dancing on top of mountains while drinking makeoli and high-fiving celebrities (at least, that’s what I want you to think), but such has not been the case recently.

Mostly, I’ve been training for Chungdahm’s new program. It’s called 3.0, and, as the name implies, it relies entirely on the use of fancy new Samsung Note 8.0 tablets. They’re very pretty. As for the program, it’s pretty okay. I have to admit that I’m overwhelmingly biased toward physical books. There’s nothing like the feel and smell of a book in your hands. I also think it’s better for students to be able to write with a physical pencil and paper. Tablet learning is fancy and cool, but I worry that a few years from now, those students who learned with tablets won’t be able to pick up their old “books” and review whatever it was they learned.

That being said, I at least enjoy 3.0’s new classes. They’re waaaaay more interesting to the students than what we were teaching them before. Let’s do a poll here, online friends who probably aren’t reading this: If you were a 6^th grader in Korea, would you rather talk about ecotourism (old Chungdahm) or CCTV and it’s intrusive influence in our lives (3.0)? And for those of you who said neither, you suck and why are you reading this anyway? They also take full advantage of the fact that tablets are technology, so the lesson comes with lots of pictures, videos, and sound clips that are a lot more relatable and enjoyable to look at than some of the stuff from older lessons.

At the same time, though, it’s been a pretty tough last few weeks. I spent a lot more time at work than I would have liked (and, believe me, the cat wasn’t too happy about it either. I have the claw marks up and down my legs to prove it.). In addition, a lot of my good friends and coworkers decided it wasn’t worth their time and actually quit. I’ve had to gradually say goodbye to a number of truly great people.

But enough about 3.0! I passed with flying colors and won a good deal of money in the process. What I really want to talk about is the one cool thing I did do recently. It’s called World Knowledge Forum. Held every year at the criminally fancy Walker Hill Hotel in Seoul, The World Knowledge Forum is where a bunch of business and world leaders get together and talk about things related to business, politics, economics, and everything in between. The organizers of the event always need English-speaking reporters to write the press releases. Even though the forum is in Korea, almost all of the talks are in English. That’s where Chungdahm comes in. The organizers hire Chungdahm teachers to be reporters. I got to spend three days hyped up on caffeine and adrenalin, rushing from talk to talk and writing reports in between. I also got to stay in a five-star hotel for free. So that was also nice. Of course, almost everything was really interesting. I got to hear from Salman Kahn, the founder of non-profit Kahn Academy. The basic idea behind his academy is that you can learn anywhere at any time at your own pace. Students who are having trouble in math or science can log on to his site and study whatever they want. The goal is to master a skill, not just to study for a test and pass it. The lessons are also completely free.

There was also a talk on cyber security presented by Prof. Eugene Spafford (of Morris Worm fame) and Jeff Moss, the founder of DEFCON, the hacking conference. Their conclusion was that we are not safe. Thanks, guys. Another talk, by Edward Gleaser of Harvard, was all about his theory that cities are awesome and way better for the advancement of human civilization. He was so enthusiastic about his topic that it was hard to disagree. By far the strangest talk I attended was between a journalist, a philosopher, and an investment banker. They spent the entire time musing about the nature of existence and whether or not we have free will. It was like a freshman philosophy class, except the freshmen were all Korean businessmen who, by the end, probably felt like they should have signed up for the economics class instead. 

Check out our sweet media credentials. Boom.

But the best talk by far was about North Korea. The speakers were a US ambassador, a Chinese ambassador, a Korean ambassador, and also Meir Dagan, the former director of Mossad. Everything seemed pretty standard at first. There was lots of talk about how North Korea needs to give up their weapons program. But then we got to the audience questions, and the very first question set off a bomb. The audience member asked about China’s treatment of North Korean refugees. If you’re unfamiliar, each year, thousands of people flee North Korea and end up in China. Official Chinese policy is that if they get caught, they are sent right back to North Korea, where they face almost certain death. This is, of course, against UN standards and a clear violation of human rights. At first, the Chinese ambassador denied it. Then the US ambassador told him that if China wants to be taken seriously, they need to start respecting human rights. Then the Chinese ambassador complained that the Chinese government didn’t have the resources to take care of all those North Koreans, who were clearly there to take advantage of their wealthy state, so, really, it was their right to send them back. That’s when the Korean ambassador jumped in and told him he was full of shit. South Korea actually has a policy in place in which it will take every single North Korean refugee and not only care for them, but also provide them with free education, health care, and even find them a job. China’s problem would literally vanish overnight if, instead of arresting the refugees, they just put them on a plane to South Korea. Boom. The entire room exploded. And I just about died from joy. It was an awesome fight. I actually recorded the entire conversation. Let me know if you want it.