It's been a busy last few weeks, and only some of those busy things have been happy. On the happy side, my best friend, Ellen, came to visit for a few weeks, and we're having a good time pilfering Korea's soju supplies. But on the sad side, MyungSoo's maternal grandfather died last Friday, and it's been a very difficult week for him and his family. I don't want to go into too many personal details, but I think I will, at least, talk about traditional Korean funerals, since I think most people have never been to one and therefore have no idea what they involve.
In America, it takes a few days after someone's death to assemble the family and make the funeral preparations. Not so in Korea. Mr. Kim died on Friday, and the funeral began early on Saturday morning. Korean funerals last for three days, and are pretty intense for the family. On Saturday morning, the rite began with the whole family getting together while the doctors cleaned the body and prepared him for burial. I don't know too much about this part because I couldn't go. The rest of Saturday and all day Sunday were much like a wake, except quite different. Upon arrival, it is polite to first greet the deceased. There was a small room with many flowers, a picture of Mr. Kim, and a table laden with over thirty different types of food. The food is there, by the way, so that the spirit of the dead person can eat. The family feeds him several times a day, leaving the room for about fifteen minutes so that he can eat in peace. In front of the table of food is a smaller table with a vigil candle and some incense. In order to pay your respect to the deceased, you have to bow down to the ground two times and then once at the waist, then light a stick of incense. Mr. Kim's oldest son was also in the room, and I said hello to him, feeling obviously nervous and self-conscious the entire time.
After paying your respect, it's proper to sign the guest book and then put some money in an envelope for the family. So far, I wasn't too surprised, but then I entered the next room to discover MyungSoo's entire family waiting to feed me. You see, at Korean funerals, the family of the deceased actually serves the guests. I can imagine that all this work was incredibly tiring, but I guess it's good as well. When you're serving other people food and seeing to their needs, you don't have time to dwell upon your own sadness. I spent all day Sunday at the funeral and got to meet the entire family. Though it was a very sad occasion, I can say that I genuinely enjoyed meeting everyone, especially MyungSoo's little cousins (about eight of them between the ages of 2 and 9), who decided I was the coolest ever, and his grandmother, whose sweetness and hospitality reminded me of my own maternal grandmother. I also got to meet his three other brothers, and we managed to take a break in between serving guests to have a few drinks together. It's a testament to their grandfather's character that there were so many people there.
Instead of going home to their respective houses on Sunday night, the entire family stayed at the funeral home and kept vigil. On Monday morning, they all traveled out to the gravesite, which, according to tradition, is on a mountainside.
