They Call Me Mother Theresa: Things My Students Say (Part II)

Well, it's a new term. And with a new term comes new students with new and increasingly ridiculous things to say. So here we go.

Me: "Hello, I'm your teacher. You can call me Teacher Theresa."
Student: "Mother Theresa?????"
Me: "No, I am not nice enough to be Mother Theresa."
Student: "No, teacher. I think you are nice enough."
Later...
Student: "Teacher, are you married?"
Me: "No."
Student: "Neither was Mother Theresa! Teacher, I think you are Mother Theresa!"

During a listening exercise, we heard a story of a man who had the end of his middle finger cut off. The students were concerned, not for the man, but rather for his new inability to flick people off. When a new medical procedure allowed the man to regrow his finger, the students were relieved.
Me: "So what happened to the man?"
Students: "He grew his finger back!"
Me: "That's right!"
Student: "Now he can...you know, teacher. Use his middle finger..."
Me: "I don't think he would do that. He's a nice, old man."
Student: "No, I think he will. He is a man."

Me: "The Ancient Egyptians used to pay people in beer."
Student: "Just like my father's company!"

Me: "Burns can be really bad. For example, my brother once set himself on fire with gasoline and-"
Student: "TEACHER, YOUR BROTHER DEAD???"
Me: "No, he didn't die-"
Student: "TEACHER, YOUR BROTHER RETARDED????"

Student: "Teacher, I think anorexic people are stupid. Food is delicious." 

Me: "For example, if I cut off Justin's arm-"
Students: "TEACHER, WHY YOU WANT TO KILL JUSTIN? TEACHER, YOU SO EVIL!"

Student: "Call me Chocolate Peter."
Other Student: "Call me Street Riding Peter."

Student: "I think crime is good because you can get money and then get girlfriend."
Me: "What happens to your girlfriend when you're caught and you go to jail?"
Student: "I think is okay. She will have my car and be happy."

Well, that's all I have for now. This is almost entirely from my first week of classes. I love these kids. In conclusion, here's a nice picture of Fall in Korea.

And by Fall, I actually mean a few yellow leaves and a truck delivering the daily supply of beer.

Thanksgiving, Costco, and A New Term

Sometimes life gets in the way of regular blog activity. But not tonight. Tonight, I opened a fresh bottle of wine (it was 5,000 won and tastes like acid!) and vowed that I would write something for all the loyal followers that I have no doubt lost due to my long inactivity.

Last week was the great holiday of American Thanksgiving, which ranks high on my list of great holidays because it's all about my two favorite things, food and family. Unfortunately, the family part of the holiday was unreachable, and, in the end, I stopped looking forward to Thanksgiving and most other holidays. But fortunately, I work at a company that really likes to celebrate American holidays. That's why we had an extravagant Halloween party and also why we had a bountiful Thanksgiving dinner/lunch.
It began early in the day on Thursday morning (noon). My boss and I climbed in a taxi and headed over to a street corner in downtown Seoul, where a red-headed man from HR was handing out slightly warm and pleasant-smelling boxes.

This is what Thanksgiving looks like.

Then we headed back to the office with our precious cargo. Inside the boxes were turkeys, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. The Korean staff also ordered us some pizza because no American holiday is complete without pizza, right?

So that was Thanksgiving.

On Saturday, I decided to check out Costco, which is exactly the same as Costco in America except that it's full of Koreans. Still crowded, still located in a giant warehouse, still providing free samples of your favorite junk food, and still selling things in bulk for criminally low prices. In fact, the only difference I could spot involved the food court.

As it turns out, Costco pizza tastes the same, no matter which country you're in.

Actually, differences. First of all, look at that crowd. People were practically fighting over seats. Second...100% PORK hot dogs. Perhaps I've neglected to mention that Korea loves pork. It's by far the cheapest meat available, and I think this is partially due to how farmers feed their pigs. Koreans sort their garbage. The recyclables and such go in one pile, the garbage goes in special bags that are unique to each neighborhood, and the food goes in a big, nasty trash can. The food waste is then processed and fed to the pigs, who, being pigs, don't mind at all being fed food scraps. The end result is that the pigs get their food practically for free, and the cost of pork is drastically reduced. I think it's pretty brilliant. But I also think it's pretty strange for a hot dog to made of 100% pork.

In other news, we started a new term at Chungdahm, meaning that I had to say goodbye to my students, and welcome in some new kids. As it turns out, my reputation precedes me. My 4:00 class on Tuesday was made up almost entirely of boys who had heard from their friends that I was "really cool". One of my former students proudly introduced me to his little brother, while a number of other boys informed me that they knew all about my love of Batman, Star Wars, and Notre Dame football. I knew I'd won their hearts, minds, and eternal respect, though, when I made a Minecraft joke in class. Unfortunately, this class is also going be incredibly wild. The four girls in this class have retreated into full-on siege mode, and probably won't emerge for a few weeks or so. I'm also teaching middle schoolers for the first time. So far, they seem pretty okay. The real trick is getting them to laugh. If you can get them to laugh, you can get them to talk.


I don't work on Wednesdays this term, so every Wednesday will be Adventure Time. Today's adventure involved the cat cafe at Gangnam Station. I think cats can tell that I love them. After only a few minutes, a cat came over and claimed my lap as his own, refusing to move even when the owner offered him food. Oh, and there was also this cat.

I dub thee PLS cat.

You Are Never Too Drunk

Today marks the three month anniversary of my arrival in Korea. I'd say things are going really well. I no longer notice that I look completely different from everyone else. Every time I see another foreigner, I stare at them in wonder before remembering that they're probably doing the same thing to me. I've figured out how to pay my bills (type in some numbers at the bank), order food (point at stuff and say "give me" in Korean), use public transportation, and even buy food. I've become pretty good at cooking for myself and substituting Korean ingredients when the ones I'm used to using can't be found. I've got a good relationship with most of my students, and a few of them have even told me that they don't want to move up to the next level of English if that means I can't be their teacher anymore. This past week, we gave the students a break and let them play and watch movies for the last hour of class. I decided to show my students Star Wars, and they LOVED it. (The best way to tell if your child is normal is to see if they like Star Wars. If they don't, your child probably has been replaced by an unfeeling robot, and you need to seek immediate help.) I've done a fair amount of shopping to supplement my wardrobe and to make up for all the weight I've lost since arrival. Korean fashion is fantastic.

A few weeks ago, one of my good friends from Notre Dame came to visit. Practicing the Korean way of life, most of our time was spent shopping, eating, and drinking. I tell you this so that I may introduce you to one of Korea's delightful little blemishes. There are either no laws governing the consumption of alcohol or Korea just doesn't care. I suspect it is the latter. For example, if you're too cheap or too disinterested in the ambiance of sitting in a bar, you can just stumble on over to your favorite convenience store, purchase your favorite adult beverage, and pop a squat outside that very convenience store to enjoy that very beverage. Or you can sit on the sidewalk. Or on your car. Or in your car. Or in the middle of the road (though I advise you against it.) Or, if sitting isn't your thing, you can just stroll down the street and treat the journey from one 7-eleven to the next like your own personal bar-crawl. When you get tired of walking or sitting, just step inside a noraebang (karaoke room). The more alcohol you order, the more time you have to belt out your favorite rock hits of the 90s. Feeling tired? Go get some coffee. It's 2 AM, so the coffee is extra fresh and business is booming. While you're waiting for your coffee, enjoy a cigarette or two because smokers aren't treated like social pariah in this country. Hungry? Go get something fried from any of the many street vendors. You might not know what it is you're eating, but it will taste delicious. And if you're concerned that you're too drunk right now, don't worry. You aren't. Somewhere, probably somewhere close by, there is a Korean man who is way more drunk than you will ever be in your entire life.

Like this Korean man, for example.

So what I'm saying is, If you're looking for a good time, Korea is the place to be. Life here isn't without its setbacks, but all in all, it's pretty great.