Been Away Too Long

Yes, I'm still alive! Contrary to popular belief, there was zero threat of North Korean bombing Seoul, and, despite my frequent excursions into "strange food" territory (silkworm pupa soup, fish egg soup, chicken feet, pig feet, etc.), nothing bad has happened to me or my stomach yet. Since my last post, spring has finally arrived, and the bitterly cold winds have been replaced by light breezes and the pleasant scent of cherry blossoms (I may be exaggerating on that one. The smell of kimchi always lingers.).

The title of this article refers to many things. It could refer to the fact that my middle schoolers just came back to class after a prolonged exam break, and I had to forcefully remind myself that they are not sweet nine-year-olds with short attention spans, but rather hormone-packed creatures just waiting to walk all over me. The poor kids had to take their level up exams today, too, so they were particularly cranky. The writing exam went really well, actually, and even sparked a discussion of how awesome Iron Man 3 is, but about halfway through the TOEFL exam (a test, by the way, that most native speakers have a hard time with), a lot of them just gave up. One boy drew me a lovely picture of the continental United States (yet mysteriously replaced most of New England with a state called Theresa), while another boy just muttered curse words in Korean and marked answers at random. Yet, still, I love my students. Even the punk guys who sit in the back and pretend to sleep because they think it will impress girls.

I could also say I've been away for too long because I finally made a trip back to the States. I spent the first week of April back on the homestead, enjoying simple things like continuously running shower water, a living space larger than a walk-in closet, a car and an empty highway to drive it on, and all the home-cooked food I could possibly want. It's the simple things in life that matter. I may not have mentioned it before, but since moving to Korea, I've lost about 25 pounds and gone down about two jean sizes. It's actually pretty great because it means I can dress like an uber-fashionable Korean girl. Needless to say, my mother took this new skinniness as sign of serious food deprivation, and set to work providing me with all manner of delicious foods.

Unfortunately, I also spent most of the trip in a haze of sickness and jet-lag. I should back up a bit and explain. About two weeks before my trip, I came down with a lingering cold and fever that kept getting worse and worse. I was determined to be healthy for my trip home, so, in desperation, I turned to a Korean doctor. I should have known it was a bad idea when he handed me a prescription for four mysterious pills and the nurse told me to pull down my pants so I could get a shot of steroids in my posterior. But I stuck with it because, hey, he's a doctor, right? By the day of my departure, the pills (whatever they were) had eliminated my cold symptoms, but replaced them with insomnia, nausea, and extreme dehydration. I was so miserable that I even tried to make myself vomit on the plane in hopes that I could somehow rid myself of whatever miserable thing had lodged itself in my body. Anyway, to make a long story short, I was finally recovered by the middle of the week (but not before falling asleep at the dinner table several times), at which point the cold-flu-virus-thing returned. A nice, American doctor gave me a stern lecture about trying "foreign" doctors, and then handed me an antibiotic. All was well once again.

I recently passed the nine month mark, and while that may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, it has been a very long time in terms of life events. Sometimes it feels like I've just paused my life, and that as soon as I go back home, things will start back up again exactly as they were. But, of course, it hasn't been that way at all. Since coming to Korea, I've missed all sorts of things. My best friend from childhood just had a beautiful baby girl. Another friend just got married. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her fourth child, a child I probably won't get to see for a very long time.

But don't think I'm sad. I'm back in Korea and having a blast. The most obvious reason for my post's title is that I have indeed been away from this blog for far too long. Here's a short list of things that have happened since then.

1. Psy released a new song called "Gentleman". I have no idea how Americans feel about it, although I suspect it's about the same as Korea's. It's either, "this is awesome!" or "ew. what?" It has subsequently been banned from public broadcasting in Korea, partly because of the sexual humor, partly because Psy is too funny for public broadcasting to appreciate, partly because the seemingly innocuous lyrics are not quite so innocuous (the lyrics "mother father gentleman" are a clever way of getting around Korean censorship laws), but also mostly because of this:

Psy: public menace to traffic cones

2. I started studying Korean. So far, I suck. My pathetic utterances puzzle strangers and make my boyfriend giggle.

3. Speaking of my boyfriend, things continue to prosper. Park is a gentleman and a scholar. We'll be celebrating our 100 days anniversary this coming weekend. 100 days is a big deal in Korean culture, so it's no surprise that couples also make it a big deal. On Saturday, we'll be singing in a karaoke competition that Park's father is hosting (I'm a little confused about the details. Park's dad doesn't speak any English.), and on Sunday we'll be going to Mass together and then visiting Lotte World, the Korean version of Disneyland. I'm really excited, and I'm looking forward to 100 more days and beyond.

Gratuitous couple photo on the Han River

4. My best friend, Ellen, is coming to Korea in about nine days to also work for Chungdahm. Things are about to get really really interesting over here.

5. North Korea threatened to bomb the hell out of South Korea, and South Koreans remained resolutely unconcerned, as usual. Meanwhile, the American media blew out of proportion every half-coherent mutter from our favorite pig-like dictator's mouth. I kept getting emails from people, asking me if I was worried, if I was still alive, and if I was planning on returning to America in order to escape the nuclear inferno that was soon to be Seoul. Oh, please. While I thank the masses for their concern (seriously, I'm touched!), there isn't much danger. Also take note that the America media (and subsequently, the American public) have completely forgotten about the "crisis" already. That's because there was no crisis, and they got bored with speculating that maybe a missile, if it got lost on its way to Japan, could hit Hawaii.

There are a lot more things, but I've talked for too long already, and I should probably study some more Korean now. I guess I should also put on my armor and prepare to do battle with my middle schoolers. Seriously, on Tuesday, I return to my classroom to find they had turned their scrap paper into perfect spheres and were throwing them around the room with destructive force. Kids, that is not how you play baseball.

Until next time.

tarico

P.S. Yes, the title of this post is also the title of the first track on the long-awaited new Soundgarden album, "King Animal". It's quite good, so go give it a listen.